Misdeeds of Cassidy
This is a full list of all the known Misdeeds of Cassidy, that is, all the misdeeds for which there is evidence. Connor Cassidy Cassidy is the Minister of Southern Affairs in the Andrews Ministerium. Cassidy was given this post due to his "borderline sex-offender" nature. The Mark of Cassidy The Mark of Cassidy is ubiquitous wherever Cassidy has defaced something. It is basically a large drawing of a penis. This penis is very rarely anatomically correct, as one testicle is always drawn drastically larger than the other. When in a frenzy, Cassidy may draw multiple penises, or a pair of breasts. The penises are often depicted during the act of ejaculation. The English Folders The English Folders are prime examples of the Mark. The most Marked folder belongs to Jack Hobson. Hobson's English Book was also heavily molested by Cassidy. Hobson's Folders Hobson's folder's often fared worst, as Cassidy would instruct his minions to seize this folder on a regular basis. The first folder was quickly destroyed and assumed a shape which was nicknamed "Hobson's Pouch". Hobson's second folder was unique in that it was yellow. Sadly, this simply made it easier for Cassidy to locate. The front was covered in an unrecognizable mess of scribble, but the graffiti on the back was much more clear and defined. This shows a woman who literally made of penises, as well as a French-looking penis with a large moustache. Andrews' Folder Andrews' folder received markedly less abuse than Hobson's. Andrews tried to combat the penises by drawing faces over them, however, the sheer size of the main penis and the thickness of the pen meant that this soon became impossible. Campbell's Folder Campbell had enough problems with his fanbase of pikey children, so his folder was only very lightly abused. Onle one penis is featured on his folder. The Duel with Fenton Connor met a new arch-enemy on Friday the 7th of May 2010, in the form of Fenton. The battle began when Connor leant casually on the classroom window, an act which disturbed the blinds. Fenton, who was (and still is) extremely terretorial about the blinds, power-walked into the room and declared, "OH, YOU'D BETTER GET OFF THOSE BLINDS!". Cassidy then gave his name, to which Fenton responded "Ah, Cassidy, I've heard of you." Cassidy then executed a drop-kick, propelling Fenton through her blinds and into the yard below (the room was on the first floor). Fenton seemed undamaged by the fall and leapt back into the room to continue the fight, at which point climatic music began to play. The pair then engaged in an elaborate duel, during which Cassidy improvised, using various things as weapons, including Fenton's own shoes, a pen, Hobson, and Andrews' Rage (Cassidy harnessed the Rage by drawing a caravan on the wall behind Fenton, giving the impression that Fenton had just stepped from the caravan and causing Andrews to strike). Fenton used a Lightsabre throughout the fight. Eventually, Cassidy was defeated (Fenton cheated) and Fenton exited the room victorious, but Cassidy had the last laugh; the blinds had fallen in the shape of a gigantic penis. The Lamp-Post incident of '09 Cassidy's attempts to steal a lamp-post were foiled when he was seen attempting to shake one from it's foundations. He was apprehended, but escaped by covering himself in leaves and pretending to be a salad. Selection of Victims Cassidy will not tolerate any disrespect from anyone who is younger or less fat than he is. Cassidy will enforce his supremacy by leaping onto random children and making some of his trademark war cries, which sound like an incessant deranged gibbering. Cassidy rarely targets the same child twice, but has been known to attack Westoby on occasion. "Hunting" Cassidy often had food thrown at him by a group of pikeys. As he instructed the rest of his minions to throw the fruit back, he (and sometimes Ramsay) would creep up behind the pikeys, grab them, and then run away, carrying the captives back with them. The pikeys would then be tortured for information before either being eaten by Cassidy or tagged and released into the wild. Akimbo! AKIMBO! Cassidy's preferred method of attack was the "Akimbo", a method where two bottles of water were duel-wielded. While he was using this method of attack, he would replace his usual war cry (demented gibbering) with the more intelligible cry of "Akimbo! AKIMBO!" Cannon Fodder This involved Cassidy and two other minions. Cassidy would wrap an arm around each minions' neck, thus securing himself. He would then extend his legs, forming a ram. The trio then run towards a target. When contact is made, the target is rarely able to maintain balance. They have been "Cannon fodded". Cassidy sometimes makes some of his gibbering sounds when this occurs. The Incident Of '10 This incident took place on Friday 21st May, where Connor appeared to attain a large stash of vibrant and sugar coated Lucozade Pills. Connor began the process by dragging ufortunate sitters down the banking, and assaulting them hastily. The most infamous of these scenes were when Connor dragged Andrews from his position. Leon then assisted Connor by faceplanting Andrews on his attempt to re-assert into his place on the top of the banking. After standing back up and regaining his balance, Dorne chose to send a sudden eathquake towards Andrews' position, once again knocking him off the hill. Connor then chose to cquire Charlie's shoes to which Charlie pursued Connor. Connor placed one shoe into Mr Lomas' bag and kept the other to ensue a Benny Hill themed chase scene. During the chase, Connor use Hobson as a directional post to swing around, unfortunatly removing Hobson from the ground in the process. Charlie soon pinned Westoby down on the floor, where Connor used his wit to violently remove Charlie from Scott with Charlie's own bag. When Charlie finally recieved his shoe back, Connor revealed to him the whereabouts of his other shoe (which was in Lomas' bag, who was now in the hall attempting his exam. Connor wasnt finished yet, as he attempted and succeeded in "Tea-Bagging" Andrews, making gibbering and squeling noises in the process. Connor finished off his seige, by attacking and assaulting the youths in the midst of a football match with his unwitting partner, Westoby. The Destruction Of Andrews' Water Bottles Cassidy often develops a powerful thirst due to these escapades, and therefore requests that Andrews gives him a bottle of water to drink. However, when Cassidy has finished drinking (invariably draining the bottle) he crushes the bottle with his hand, sometimes improvising and using both hands, or enlisting the help of one of his minions. Cassidy then hands the useless bottle back to Andrews. However, Andrews quickly became wise to this tactic, and on the final day of school brought a secret secondary bottle, which he showed to Connor while mocking him. In retaliation, Connor dipped Andrews in butter and threw him at Ramsay. The Balloon On the 16th of November 2010, Cassidy and his goons were seated in the Common Room when a balloon drifted over to them. This balloon was destroyed, but another appeared, this time with writing on it. At once, Cassidy seized the balloon and drew a large penis on it. This penis was originally labelled "Joe H", but when Hetherington saw this, he took issue and rubbed out the words "Joe H" with his thumb. Cassidy then relabelled the penis "Andrews". Another ballon, this one completely blank, drifted to where Cassidy was sitting. Roused into a frenzy by his minions, Cassidy drew an enormous penis which covered the whole balloon. He then labelled this penis "Cameron Price". Cassidy's Minions ﻿Cassidy seldom travels alone, instead opting to move around with no fewer than 3 cronies in tow. The reasons for this are numerous and indeed dubious, but the most common purpose served by the Minions is to lift or physically support Cassidy when he needs to attack from above. Cassidy's favourite Minion is undoubtely Campbell, who he is rarely seen without. It could be argued that Ramsay is his least favourite Minion, although Ramsay does make himself useful in his desperate attempts to gain Cassidy's affection. Andrews was made an honourary member of the English Crew (correct term for the Minions). Andrews' role was mainly ceremonial; he did not accompany Cassidy in any of his quests for food or children, though Andrews still provides legal advice to Cassidy from time to time. History Lessons ﻿A number of unusual things occurred during Cassidy's GCSE History lessons. Permanent Marker Incident The Permanent Marker Incident occurred some time in Winter 2009. Asquith had written important notes in blue marker all over the board (this writing was riddled with errors). She moved to wipe off the words, then discovered her error: she had written all over the board in blue permanent marker, which would not rub away. Panicking, she asked if any of the students had any water, which she was going to use to douse a cloth and attempt to literally scrub the board clean. Connor handed her a bottle of water, and she sprinkled a little of the liquid onto the bottle and began to half-heartedly rub the board. Unimpressed, Cassidy got up, made some of his gibbering sounds, and then strafed the board with his water bottle, completely drenching it. Andrews rose from his seat and began to assist in wiping down the board, an experience which he would remember fondly in his Yearbook entry. The water was dripping onto the power outlet under the board, so Asquith hurriedly barged past Andrews to turn off the plugs. After 5 minutes of such activity, the board was clean (that is to say, it was clear of writing, it still had an unhealthy blue tinge to it). Andrews' hand also had this tinge, as he had not been using a cloth to wipe the board. ﻿